Family the Gift of Christmas

Christmas Eve is always the day our family comes together and this year was especially special. Our family went through so many years of heartache and hard changes. It has been probably 20 years since we have had the Christmas as special as this one. I would say this one was the most special. If it were not for the many years of pain, suffering and hardship our family had endure, we would not had the deep appreciation and level of joy we felt this Christmas Eve. I had never seen my family so happy as I did this year. We all have gone through a great deal of loss. Both my son at age 24 on June 9th 2009 and my sister at age 58 on June 10th 2009, only one day apart and both from years of drug addiction, which runs in my family. This year seeing the new generation developing into such responsible young adults with their children was a true blessing. I spent a evening trying to remind my family how blessed we are to have each other. I was blessed to be able to really enjoy a special time with my brother. My own journey and my amazing families journey reminds me so much of the song by MILEY CYRUS. Below is the lyrics to the song I wanted to share with all of you:

I can almost see it -- That dream I am dreaming -- But there's a voice inside my head saying "You'll never reach it" -- Every step I'm taking -- Every move I make feels lost with no direction -- My faith is shaking -- But I gotta keep trying -- Gotta keep my head held high -- There's always gonna be another mountain -- I'm always gonna wanna make it move -- Always gonna be a uphill battle -- Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose -- Ain't about how fast I get there -- Ain't about what's waiting on the other side “It's the climb” -- The struggles I'm facing -- The chances I'm taking -- Sometimes might knock me down -- But no, I'm not breaking -- I may not know it -- But these are the moments that I'm gonna remember most -- Just gotta keep going -- And I, I got to be strong -- Just keep pushing on -- 'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain -- I'm always gonna wanna make it move -- Always gonna be a uphill battle -- Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose -- Ain't about how fast I get there -- Ain't about what's waiting on the other side “It's the climb” -- There's always gonna be another mountain -- I'm always gonna wanna make it move -- Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose -- Ain't about how fast I get there -- Ain't about what's waiting on the other side “It's the climb” -- Keep on moving, keep climbing -- Keep the faith baby It's all about, it's all about the climb -- Keep the faith, keep your faith

It is so true without the faith and keep believing and the climb, the depth of enjoyment and graditude for what you have and all the good things we are all blessed with would not be so great. It is hard for all of us to look beyond the hard times in our lives that we can miss all the blessing we still have to enjoy. I was so saddened by Jerod's death, it took me years to look around at so many blessing I still had, my spectacular daughter, my supportive and loving husband that has always picked me up when I was falling. He was there everytime I thought I could not possibly make it through another day. My family that blessed me this year with the kind of happiness only a family is capable of giving. Then, God snowing down from heaven with his blessing of the most beautiful Christmas Day in Texas!! My tears of happiness on Christmas Day could not stop from the peace and serenity that comes only from the inner joy God can give. Thank you God and to all people who reach out and shared there pain and happiness through this blog and many other social networks. I was so blessed this year with the greatest gift of all "love". I wanted to share it with all of you and to tell you no matter what problems you or your family have try to work it out, because when they are gone they are gone forever, from this life. It is not worth the guilt you will live with when you leave things undone. It is important not to waste one more day telling people you love how much they mean to you. My sweet aunt is dying and I drove to Florida from Texas before Christmas to spend 30 minutes with her to tell her how much she meant to me. Things I had never told her. We always think we will have time to tell the people we love how much they mean to us, but that time may never come.

Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year.

Loss of a Child Years Later

It has been 3 and half years since I lost my son. I am especially sad this year. Seeing my brother go through some of the same struggles and my parents having more and more health problems. At a certain age you learn to appreciate life. Knowing we only a very little time for the ones we love. My thoughts and love go out to the Dallas Cowboys and their family. Especially the mom's. Loosing a child is like no other pain you can imagine. Please share. I have stopped talking about it and held everything inside. I would love to hear from other people who share the same loss so we can help each other.

My Precious Son, Jerod

Let me start by telling you a little about my son. My son, Jerod was so kind and thoughtful to me. He was loved by many and it amazes me how well he could mask the ugly world inside him. He was always polite and appeared to have it together. He was very clean cute and he did not look like a lot of people who use drugs. Just looking at him you would have never known. I miss him every day. His problem started when he tried “Cheese” Heroin as many teenagers are doing. When Jerod died there had been six young people die within three weeks in our area. The problem he faced after making one wrong discussion, it change the rest of his life. Any parent would do anything to save their child from this horrible fate. I blame myself every day from not seeing it sooner. The hardest thing for me to learn from losing my son, is no one can fight a disease as strong as this one alone and even as strong as a Mother’s love is for her child, I was helpless. I tried for many years to show him a better way, but he never seemed to understand there is a better life out there. My next comment I will begin with Jerod's final days in the hospital and how painful that was to go through.