Friday, December 14, 2012
Loss of a Child Years Later
It has been 3 and half years since I lost my son. I am especially sad this year. Seeing my brother go through some of the same struggles and my parents having more and more health problems. At a certain age you learn to appreciate life. Knowing we only a very little time for the ones we love. My thoughts and love go out to the Dallas Cowboys and their family. Especially the mom's. Loosing a child is like no other pain you can imagine. Please share. I have stopped talking about it and held everything inside. I would love to hear from other people who share the same loss so we can help each other.
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Tia as you might know I don't have any children so I have zero understanding of a parents grief with regards to losing a child however I clearly remember when Blake called me and was hysterical about what had happened. Over the years I remember watching your son grow up into a handsome, smart young man throughout ALL of our tribulations and although I wasn't his "best friend" I feel as though Jerod and I had a mutual respect for each other simply b/c year after year when we'd bump into one another we would ALWAYS talk like "old friends". He was NEVER like some of those others who had a "chip on their shoulder" or their "noses in the air"- no Jerod judged by what someone did to HIM and I knew you were his mother because of that which earned my respect for him. I knew that somewhere deep down YOU knew I could change (in regards to all the trouble I used to get into in Rockwall) and I *ALWAYS* remember "Tia from the Courthouse" b/c of THAT one time you "lectured" me and really made me think- THAT is why I respected your son Tia, b/c you raised him as you yourself believed in others if that makes any sense...
ReplyDeleteBut I also have my own very personal pain as well. My mother was my best friend in life. When my family had problems growing up, she was my buddy- my defender, and I too was hers. I did things for her and told things to her that I *WILL NEVER* do for or tell anyone else *ever* so when she died unexpectedly on Valentines Day week of 2010 you can imagine how I felt and still feel. When I look back I can remember her weak husband (not my dad) basically letting her die due to poor living conditions as I did what I could to pay her prescriptions, etc making 12$ an hour but the part(s) that I will never forget are her clinging to life yet still waiting for me to tell her to "let go and I'll see her again" to end the pain along with making that decision to not revive her (after the 7th time, and this is a SHORT story).
I don't know if you know this, but I have no one else regarding family and I'm not telling you this b/c I want sympathy- I am simply saying that once my dad is gone I'm alone. I don't have someone I can grieve to and I am a FIRM believer that nobody CARES beyond a few words. I have dealt with and constantly DEAL with my mom's death extremely well; no drugs/alcohol- the way a RESPONSIBLE adult would but personally for me it's the aftermath of knowing that in the big picture everyone ELSE moves on with their lives but as much as I try to do that I can't. It's the ONE thing I can't "finish" and nobody around me understood her enough to help me with that besides my dad and he freaks out crying when I mention her.
My point in all this is our grief might be reversed- as in you as a mother not KNOWING what Jerod could have done as opposed to my mom is SUPPOSED to pass on before I do, but death is death and it's something that we as human beings don't deal with very well. For me, as far as my life is concerned I have more of a problem in the LONELINESS after the fact than the loss itself. That may sound selfish, but it's the gods honest truth and you deserve that. I wish I knew what to say to take away your pain, but I can only speak to what I know within me. The loneliness of not only LOSING the irreplaceable person is only compounded with the GRIEF directly related to the situation and to top it all off it's almost like (at least for me) nobody "gets it"...
I hope this made sense to you, I poured a LOT of my heart into it and I could go on for days but I will always think of you and Jerod. You take care Mrs. Tia and God Bless you and yours.
Sincerely,
EJ
You are so right. No body that has not had a great loss can come close to understanding and they don't really want to talk to you or bring it up. Sometimes the most thing you need is to talk about it. I find if the subject comes up and I cry people think they did something wrong by making you sad. Holding it in to not bother anyone else or bring the mood down is why we hold it in and can not get any type of true release of all the pain. I am so use to taking care of others and worrying I am bothering them with my pain. Who wants to bring everybody down. People think by now you should be over it. I never feel it is the right time to cry. I have felt like that from the day he died. I find myself crying with strangers more than the people I am the closest to. I feel very lonely in my pain. Thank you so much for sharing. It means so much to me. Write anytime. I just found out my aunt that means so much going to die soon. I am trying to figure out how I can make it to Florida to see he before we loose her. I just want to tell her what a great influence she was to me when I was a child growing up. I would rather see her now then wait until after she is gone. The thing that hurts so much about death is it is so final. In this life just knowing you can never talk to them again.
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